DAYTON, OH—Area teenager Zach Turner has boldly decided to test his mother’s theory that his room will not clean itself.

“I really like science experiments,” said Zach, 15, who hasn’t cleaned his room in at least a month. “It will be interesting to see if my mom’s claim holds up.”

Above: Turner’s room.

Turner believes that if he keeps making his room messy for long enough, it might become so messy that the subatomic particles in the room will become overwhelmed and, as a result, physically reject the presence of any mess.

“I’ll admit it’s a longshot,” said Zach. “But so was space travel. And we conquered that.” 

Mrs. Turner has reportedly called her son’s hypothesis “bogus.”

“She just doesn’t appreciate the discovery that could be made here,” said Zach. “If, in fact, I find that my room is actually capable of cleaning itself, it could change the way mankind approaches the laborious task of sanitation.”